you know that feeling that’s like
the feeling of having too many
awkward conversations
in one day?

that feeling that's like the feeling
of clawing your claws bloody
against the sides of your skin
just to say
the right goddamn thing
to say but

it’s funny, really, like
the way that you say
the thing that you meant to say but
it doesn’t come out
the right goddamn way
and nobody’s expression changes, so
it’s almost like you didn’t really say
the thing that you meant to say
that didn’t come out
the right goddamn way

and
you want to claw your claws bloody
and run and run and run and
run away

   (but you still come back?)

okay,
you’re still more or less with me, or
you’re still with me in the way that
you’re still with me in the way that
you’ll still be there when i come back 

  (maybe.) 

so,
this feeling that i feel most days
is the same feeling that i feel most days
when i feel this feeling that i feel most days
every single goddamn time
i say, “I love you.”  

love doesn’t ever feel okay
in the way that
love doesn’t ever feel okay
and i feel like when

love
finally does ever feel okay
it won’t come out
the right goddamn way

and i can feel the claws clawing
and sinking in to stay and
and stay and stay and stay and

stay.

.

.

.

(are you still with me?)