'April 2' & 'August 20', by Andy Villalpando
April 2
ambrose i really miss you
it doesn’t ever get easier
i keep getting memories on snapchat of us two years ago
two years
you have been gone for so long
i still call your voicemail
i found a video someone made in memory of you
you could have saved yourself according to your father
the pain was so overwhelming i wish i could have helped you more
i was younger
we were younger
i am so much older than you will ever be
you confessed your desire to no longer live to me not even 14 hours before
like you had countless times
the first time was when i first moved to san marcos in sept 30 2016
but you were committed
you succeeded and now the world is far more emptier without you here
we never were able to fulfill the promise we made for april 2018
i love you. still.
August 20
hey i haven’t written to you in a while
i’m dating this guy named T and he does a lot more psychedelics than i am comfortable with
almost as much as you did
maybe less or more
my memory doesn’t allow me to recollect everything clearly
i wish i knew what you are doing
give me a sign
a message
to let me know you are still around
that i am not so alone as i make myself out to be
why do i cast myself away from it all
i need something to give me roots