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I stayed that way, fist in mouth, breathing through my nose, my elbow way out in front of me, my crush next to me somehow not noticing, in the dark of the audience, dazzled by the light of the stage, keeping all that strangeness inside, holding the storm of my personality at bay, lost boy, trapped in time and space. 

The thing that remains is the knowledge that there is another me, who I do not control, who has the ability to take over my body. There is so much about myself that I will never know.